Family Matters

A family is not just who you have to live with or visit on holidays or feel obliged to say you “love them” in a birthday card or even face to face, it’s more than that. One’s family shouldn’t be limited to who they are related to by blood or by marriage; family is who loves you and who you surround yourself with, physically or mentally. Family helps one another, no matter what, through thick and thin, your family is there for you. A family goes through tragedy together and comes out even stronger, ready to face the next challenge. It is only the person themselves who decides who is their family, not anyone else…at least that’s how it is in the Philippines. Bayanihan, which means the notion to help others, drives the Filipino people daily. If you ask, you shall receive, and if you don’t ask, someone is still going to help you.

I’ve encountered many examples of this never-ending family ideal everywhere I’ve gone here, it may not always be perfect, but it works. A family can be made up simply neighbors who help each other with things like meals, house repairs, or watching each other’s children. Never is one expected to receive some sort of payment, whether that be money or something otherwise. When you help your family, you do it because they need your help and you’re there, so why not? Even mere strangers can be adopted into one’s family, especially if they don’t have their own.

Of course families have quarrels and moments of bitterness, but here, it seems like families get over everything much quicker. There’s no time to waste fighting and holding grudges, life is too short. Living here for the past month and observing family life in its rawest form has made me realize that my own perceptions of family have been distorted in the past. I’ve spent far too much time obsessing about why my family (extended and all) wasn’t perfect or just plain crazy, or complaining when my family wouldn’t meet my expectations. There are times when I’ve felt unloved, disregarded or just plain ignored by my family, but I was wrong. At the same time as my “blood family” wasn’t there for me, my close friends who I love, were. Especially my housemates who I consider my family away from family have been there for me no matter what. And if I have that, then what more do I need? Just because a family tree says persons A, B and C are my family doesn’t mean that I can’t add to the tree, or even construct my own tree (with a tree house of course).

Filipinos continue to teach me new things every day, which is one of the things I am most grateful for. It’s amazing how much one can learn from others when all other grasps on reality are taken away.